March 22, 2009

Ok...maybe I had the TOGA...I AM SOOOO CONFUSED! In the past few days, I have been experiencing some abnormal feelings in my stomach. There is a sense of pressure that I have never experienced before.
Yesterday was my Dad's big 60th birthday party and the event was catered. I arrived 2 hours early so I could decorate the hall. I grabbed a piece of bread and 2 pieces of cheese on my way out the door (around 11:30). Dinner was served buffet style and I put salad on 1/2 the plate and put turkey, veggies and stuffing on the other half. The plate was not crowded or heavy but I didn't measure my food either. I ate it...no big deal. Around 9 pm (5-6 hours after I ate at the party) we were at my Dad's house dividing up the left overs amongst us kids. We decided to warm up some and have some more to eat. I made up a small plate of turkey, stuffing and veggies and didn't think anything of it. When I got home and went to bed around 11:30, I noticed a tightening in my stomach and felt some pressure. I was excited because I thought that if today was the first time I ate more than I should have then is this the TOGA reacting to eating a full size meal? HMMMM? I just thought that because I had no reaction to eating 4 bites to something that I didn't have it. But what if i did? I really am no longer certain that I didn't have it. I really thought that it would be sooooo easy for me to tell the difference but it isn't.
Yesterday, my father was very late for his party. He went into the hospital in the morning due to some more complications with his brain cancer. His wife was able to work a deal with the docs. They would let him attend on the condition that he was returned to the hospital after his party. Everyone in attendance was so happy to see him when he arrived. There were many tears but lots of joy as well. We were celebrating his life and he is amazing!
Well, I ended up sleeping 12 hours last night. I cannot remember the last time that happened. Today, I went to the hospital and brought Dad some left overs. I ate another plate of left overs but was ale to measure it out. I had 1/4 cup stuffing, 1 cup veggies and 1/4 cup turkey for dinner. Brunch was a piece of bread, a piece of cheese and a sausage link. I split a piece of lemon cake with my Dad as well. As this food was prepared by a caterer, I have no way to calculate the caloric intake BUT, I did step on the scale this morning and I see the number going down. I do not want to get my hopes up BUT I think the scale is slowly creeping in the right direction..... DOWN!
I am having to prepare for sometime away from home right now. I am leaving tomorrow to go and take care of my brother. Yesterday, after attending my Dad's party, my brother who is battling Stage 4 colon cancer and malignant fistula (a rare cancer and complication of colon cancer), was so fatigued that he "fainted" 3 times and injured himself. So I am going to stay with him and watch over him. I will be faced with the challenges of feeding 3 boys...all fussy eaters! Alex (12), Sean (9) and my brother Scott (41). It is difficult to prepare healthy meals that they will agree on. This is probably the hardest part for me.....taking care of every one else and letting my needs fall by the wayside. I MUST make the time for meal planning, measuring and calorie counting.