March 10, 2009

It has been an awful past week...first, my brother ends back up in the hospital with further complications to his colon cancer and my father is also admitted with complications to his brain cancer. My sister and I have been living at 2 different hospitals for a week. I have been consumed with their medical treatments, tests, diagnoses, expectations and the like that I know I have taken a back seat to my needs. It is so easy to get lost amongst all of this. The first few days, I didn't do very well with planning meals. I didn't overeat but I wasn't eating properly either. The hospital that my father is at, has a cafe that actually shows all the nutritional info on the items from the grill. This helped and I would normally have some squash and veggies and a small salad to keep the meal under 500 calories. After a couple days of this, I began to pack food from home. I would often make salmon and/or chicken with rice and veggies. My father hated the hospital food so I would make enough for him and since he was on a strict diet, I would have to make sure that the food I prepared for us to eat was both diabetic and heart healthy.
I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that I didn't receive the procedure and that I am a member of the control group. I can eat a meal and not feel anything. That doesn't mean that I do not make efforts because I am trying very hard to track what I eat and make every effort to eat right and exercise (not a lot but I am working on that). Though I am disappointed, I will stay on the study because I will have the option to have the procedure when it is completed and maybe I will be in a better position health wise (mentally, as well) to maximize the benefits of the TOGA.