April 15th, 2009

It has been too long since my last post. My brothers health has taken a turn for the worse and I have been consumed. The next few weeks will be tough. His 41 year old life is on the line. The University of MN is assembling a team of surgical specialists to try and remove a very large tumor that has attached itself to many organs, muscles, nerves and tissues. It was explained to us that it has to come out in one piece or they will not remove it and it will kill him (because if they cut it, it will kill him). The doctors said to think of it like a baby...you wouldn't dissect it. IF they can remove it in one piece, they will have to microwave (cook) part of his liver and maybe remove some nerves that will affect his mobility (leg braces). Right now I haven't given much thought to this study....I know I agreed to participate and will do my best BUT my family will always be more important and take a front seat to everything I do.
One particular thing I have noticed is that I am not eating. I eat about one meal a day...this is strictly due to stress. I found it interesting that when I was having my psych eval, the doctor wanted me to talk about my addiction to food and how I handled stress. It kind of seemed like every thin person in the world is so sure that "fat" people eat all the time and we eat when we are stressed. I know that that just isn't true and I went head to head with the doctor on this issue. She wanted me to admit that I turned to food to cope...I don't. I am overweight because I have spent my life eating what I wanted whenever I wanted. I also ate more than I should have and as the weight crept on over the years, I was too busy to really notice. I mean, I knew but I just pushed it out of my mind. My weight had no obvious impact on my life. I got the jobs I wanted ( I am unemployed by choice...I quit my job in Jan). I have had a man love me for the last 2o years (I am about 100 lbs heavier than when we met) and he still makes me feel desired and beautiful. I have amazing friends and a great family. I just now realize the importance of overall health and am choosing to prevent problems and be as healthy as I can. I owe it to myself and to the people who love me.
Hello and Thanks to my new "followers"...I appreciate your positive words and advice!